“Most people get married believing a myth that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for; Companionship, intimacy, friendship etc … The truth is, that marriage at the start is an empty box, you must put something in before you can take anything out. There is no love in marriage, love is in people, and people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage, you have to infuse it into your marriage. A couple must learn the art, and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising, of keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty.”
How many times have you said to yourself, if only my relationship is as beautiful as Sade’s or if only my fiance is understanding as Joy’s, I will be happier? Not too many times I hope.
Though it’s a given that we all take a stroll down the lane of comparison once in a while, it is actually not a healthy thing to do, in fact, it is a foolish thing to do! Remember the Bible says “…but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.” 2 Corinthians 10:12.
Let’s try to forget what the Cinderella story taught us for a bit; fairy tales are no longer the exclusive reserve of fairy god mothers. Yes! You can create your own fairy tale. In this post, the focus is more on relationships that lead to marriage than marriage itself because if we get it right at this stage, marriage will be something to look forward to
If you see a working relationship that you admire, you should understand both parties have understood how to keep the box full and they are doing just that! So, instead of making a baseless comparison, create your own fairy tale! As the opening quote says, a marriage (a relationship) is an empty box at the start and by logical extension, you can only get what you put into it. The implication of this is that if you crave a relationship full of love, understanding and the likes, you have to work towards creating it!
Here is how:
- Be Committed
I am not an expert on love or relationships but I know enough to say that you cannot create your own image of a perfect relationship if your eyes are still roaming for the next beautiful lady or handsome guy that joins your local church or office. Not only will your relationship make little or no progress if you still have roaming eyes, but in fact, a fairy tale is far from where you are headed.
2. Have Shared Convictions
There is nothing more frustrating than trying to change someone to think or act in a particular way when clearly they do not believe in the things you do. They might tag along for a while and then go back to being their usual selves when fatigue sets in. So, for your own good, keep talking about things that matter to you to ensure that you are on the same page with your “relatee.”
3. Be Intentional
Yes! Be intentional about the relationship. This is important because when a everything you do is impulsive and not pre-meditated, the results are not always nice. Hence, you should have goals for the relationship and you should see that those goals should determine the course of your relationship. These goals will also act as a guide and help you in your quest to create your own fairy tale…