“Love is not a place to come and go as we please
It’s a house we enter in and then commit to never leave
So, lock the door behind you, throw away the keys
Work it out together…”
The above words are lyrics of Warren Barfield’s song Love is Not a Fight; listen here a song that stresses the importance of being committed to love and not wanting to quit at the appearance of challenges. As much as I love this song (and I really love this song) because of the great significance it has about working it out especially in the context of marriage, at the same time, the song brings to mind the question: is love always worth fighting for? Is it always worth it to fight tooth and nail to make a relationship work when it is obviously headed for the rocks? My question is especially in context of relationships and courtship.
Personally, I think there are some situations where it is not worth the fight and you will be only hurting yourself if you decide to fight an already lost battle. The following are such situations:
1.An Abusive Relationship
When you are in a relationship where your partner consistently abuses you physically, emotionally, or verbally without remorse or repentance, and you choose to stand and fight for the relationship, the result is usually more abuse. It is always better to let go of an abusive relationship especially if you are not yet married. Like my Nigerian Author friend, Precious Titilayo wrote in her book, Pass me the Man and a Spoon of Love, “marriage is a commitment for life but a relationship before marriage isn’t”. I know how difficult it can be to severe emotional attachments but please don’t choose to fight a battle you are not winning when you can still walk away.
2. When You are Fighting For the Wrong Reasons.
I agree that half a decade is a really long time but you should not hold on to a hurtful relationship because of how long you have been in it. You might have even decided that your first relationship will be your last, so in spite of every inconsistent thing you notice in the relationship, you choose to hold on to a relationship when from every indication you should be using the exit. It’s okay to walk away and save your fight for a relationship that is worth it.
3. When God Is Not a Priority
I assure you that Warren Barfield’s song was not addressed to you if God and the things of God are not a priority in your relationship. Like Raquel Jacobs of the Club31 Woman Network rightly said, “when God builds a relationship, purity is not scorned, it is highly regarded. Romance is not rushed; it is carefully cultivated. There is no question that God’s way is not the easy way. But it is far more beautiful and infinitely more fulfilling than any shallow, pleasure-seeking, self-built relationship ever could be.” So, if your relationship discourages you from loving God more and doing his will, you can as well stop fighting now.